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Welcome to Banana Man's Humor Vault - January 2001 A Guy Named Fred A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day, the cop decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. "Fred," he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred," the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?" The man replies: "It's a long story. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD." "After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD." "Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." The officer let him go without even a warning. A Change in the Weather Maury and Martha were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Maury mumbled to himself, got up from his coffee, and went out to move the car. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Maury mumbled to himself, got up from his coffee, and went out to move the car. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out. Maury didn't get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Martha, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Martha?" Martha replied, "Aw, Maury... Why don't you just leave the car in the darned garage today?" Bill Clinton's Retirement Plans Spend more quality time with Chelsea and her 13 half brothers and sisters. Tour the nation's prisons to improve conditions, visit friends. Write book: "The American Presidency: An Oral History." Buy a Hooter's franchise. Catch up on eight-year stack of "Penthouse" Search for a new outlet for well-developed lying and cheating skills. Continue work counseling interns. Stop using fake names in personal ads. Take little Buddy out three times a day -- also walk the dog. Get to know those Gore girls better. Chilly Willy An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to ask me?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I'm usually cold and chilly." After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Oh that crazy old fool!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!" | Back to Top of Page | Home | 2000 2001 Joke
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