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Welcome to Banana Man's Humor Vault. A Brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away and the brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead. "No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!" "OK," says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!" "Look," the blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..." Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend-pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community. And, he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen, and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place." An English anthropologist was doing research in an isolated African village, and the tribal chief asked if he would like to attend a trial his people were conducting that afternoon. "You'll be surprised," said the chief, "at how well we've copied your country's legal procedures. You see, we have read accounts of many English trials in your newspapers, and incorporated them into our judicial system." When the Brit arrived at the wooden constructed courthouse, he was truly amazed to see how closely the African court officials resembled those of England. The counsels were suitably attired in long black robes and the traditional white powdered wigs worn by all British jurists. Each argued his case with eloquence and in proper judicial language. But he couldn't help being puzzled by the occasional appearance of a bare-breasted native girl running through the crowd waving her arms frantically. After the trial, the anthropologist congratulated his host on what he had seen and then asked, "What was the purpose of having a semi-nude woman run through the courtroom during the trial?" "I really don't know," confessed the Chief, "but in all the accounts we read in your papers about British trials, there was invariably mentioned something about 'an excited titter' running through the gallery." A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more. "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "I justa tella my friend how to spella Mississippi!"
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For more great jokes and humor, please be sure to visit:
 Manly Jokes for Manly Men |
Unbelievable Martha Stewart parody |
 Occupational Hazards - Job Jokes |
