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Welcome to Banana Man's Humor Vault. A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and being told there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that the preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher figured, since he bought the animal, he might as well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey did quite well and came in third place. The next day, the racing sheets carried this headline: Preacher Shows Ass The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again, and this time the animal won first place. The paper said: Preacher's Ass Out In Front The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper printed this headline: Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give the animal to a nun in a local convent. The next day, the headlines read: Nun Has Best Ass In Town The Bishop fainted. When he came around, he informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey. The nun searched, finally finding a farmer willing to buy the animal for ten dollars. The paper stated: Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks! And so, they buried the Bishop the next day... A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil." He continued, "The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly an old man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left It says, 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!' " World's Greatest Charade Player The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade. A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The charade player agrees. Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the curtain opens to reveal seven nude young women. The second and fourth ladies are holding their breasts, while the other five have their backs to him and are baring their behinds. The charade player barely glances over them and says, "The William Tell Overture by Rossini." The flabbergasted producer says in awe, "You've done it! That's the right answer. You are indeed the greatest charade player!" and hands him a check for a million bucks. Walking out, a reporter stops the charade player and ask him how he did it. "It's really simple," says the charade player. "One look at the positions of the seven women, and I realized it as the William Tell Overture. Rump - titty - rump - titty - rump - rump - rump." This scoutmaster and his wife were driving along a rural highway, when they found the road blocked by a herd of cows that had escaped through a broken fence. The scoutmaster tried honking his horn to scare the cattle from the pavement, but to no avail. For some reason, no sound was heard. He got out of the car, lifted the hood, and saw the problem, a loose wire, which he quickly fixed. As he got back into the car, his wife asked him if he'd had any luck. "Yep," he replied. "Beep repaired!"
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For more great jokes and humor, please be sure to visit:
 Manly Jokes for Manly Men |
Unbelievable Martha Stewart parody |
 Occupational Hazards - Job Jokes |
